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but there’s an extremely short list of people I trust to perform those kinds of acts with,” Charlotte Sartre, an adult performer and director for, tells Them. “On film, I tend to do heavy bondage including suspensions, unusual forms of punishment such as waterboarding or more traditional corporal, etc. “For example, some scenes might not involve sex at all, and others might be focused on sexual activities.”ĭon’t let the stereotypical depictions of BDSM in films like 50 Shades of Gray deter you from thinking your particular interests aren’t part of the umbrella. “Since BDSM is really an umbrella term for a lot of different kinks and fetishes, there are equally as many variations in how people play,” Carly says. Sometimes BDSM doesn’t even need to include sex or sexual activities. Lifestyle BDSM can range from having a partner tell you how to dress and what to order at a restaurant to being locked in a kennel when your dom(me) is away. Lifestyle BDSM: The act of involving BDSM in your everyday life, not just your bedroom.
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There’s also a lot of kink and fetish content that lies outside what most would consider ‘BDSM’ altogether.”īasically, there are as many ways to play with BDSM as there are leaves under the sun. Some people emphasize the dynamic between dominance and submission more, for others it’s all about pain play with sadism and masochism. Some people are more into the discipline and control. “Oh, there’s too many ways to engage with BDSM to even count honestly,” Fucktoy Felix (link NSFW), a queer porn performer, tells Them. While the initialism of BDSM stands for certain words, the umbrella nature of the community extends to cover such a vast ground of kink and play that it would be impossible to list all the types. Having read this far, you can see why this is a difficult question to answer. There's way more to me underneath the leather. People often assume I’m uber-masculine just because I’m a Dom. You can much more easily find play partners, friends, or more when you find the part of the community you vibe with the most.” It's also really empowering to find a community of like-minded perverts. “Having my own kinks outside of vanilla sex brought me to the scene. “To me, BDSM is an umbrella term for many different kinks, dynamics, fetishes, etc,” Carly S., a pleasure educator for Spectrum Boutique, tells Them. BDSM is a spectrum that everyone can interact with in their own way, whether privately at home with their partners, at kink clubs, or with professional dom(me)s, making the possibilities endless and exciting. Some others might hate pain but love the feeling of losing control. Some people choose to engage in bondage only, while some hate the feeling of restraint but want to explore impact play. How BDSM looks in practice depends on the wants, needs, and comforts of all involved. a pleasure educator for Spectrum Boutique, tells Them. In a hellish world, finding joy where you can-like feeling fanny flutters from looking into someone’s belly button-is a privilege worth celebrating.“It's also really empowering to find a community of like-minded perverts,” Carly S. And being able to be turned on by a typically unsexual entity or exploit is bloody fab. What an admittedly incomplete list like this boils down to is that almost everyone has some sexual proclivity for an act or object that isn’t inherently sexual. The world of kink is as wild and varied as an encyclopedia-and there’s undoubtedly some queen out there with an actual encyclopedia kink, too. Whichever way you go about it, I’m sure there’s a comforting feeling to be found in giving up control and autonomy to a loved one to chase tennis balls about instead. As with all the kinks on this list, pup play can range from really casual-wearing a collar occasionally-to extremes of living 24/7 as a doggy, even sleeping in a cage next to your master’s bed. From sniffing crotches to eating out of a bowl, get ready to crawl about on all fours if you want to give this one a go. Especially popular among gay men, puppy play involves a special kind of submission where you are treated and expected to act like a pet dog. Anyone who’s witnessed a pride parade can recognize pup play from the elaborate masks involved.